Robin's Family Tree
by star-eye
Summary: Set after Season 1, Robin decides to create a family tree of the Team while working at the Cave. Can you say 'dysfunctional family? Canon pairings (Spitfire, Chalant, Supermartian, and whatever Raquel/Kaldur are called).


"Whatcha working on Boy Wonder?" Artemis asked, dropping her bookbag to the floor as she took an open seat at the kitchen table. Robin grinned at her before clearing some of his books to the side of the table, making room for her own schoolwork. Unofficially the kitchen table in Mount Justice had become the place for the Gothamites to meet to work on their schoolwork and the others on the team had followed suite, even Kaldur could occasionally be found reading a book or two on Atlantian sorcery while Wally West had been ordered to never_ ever_ attempt a chemistry experiment in the mountain _again_, whether in the kitchen or elsewhere. That mess had been an unholy nightmare to clean up, the only thing worse being Batman's face when he had seen it.

"Family tree," Robin explained. "Personal project."

"Lucky," Artemis laughed. "Some of us have actual homework," she said gesturing to her chemistry textbook and multiple notebooks.

"Please, if you were really worried about any of that you would give your boyfriend a call," Robin teased.

"True. But why are you working on a family tree?" Artemis asked, putting the jokes aside and expressing honest interest in the younger's work.

"When I was younger I was always calling the older members of the League my aunts and uncles so I made a family tree to include them. With the Team taking off I figured it was about time I made an updated one for all of my new family members," Robin explained.

"Can I see?"

"Sure, it's complicated though," Robin warned as he slid the paper over to his friend.

"See I've made it separate from the main Justice League family. At least for now. I'll figure out how we all fit in later," Robin waved his hand through the air dismissively. "So I started out with myself, of course. Then I figured that with Kaldur as team leader that made him the 'dad' figure and M'Gann's always taking care of everyone so she's the 'mom'," Robin pointed.

"But M'Gann said I was her Earth-sister," Artemis protested.

"Not on my family tree she's not, she's your mom and Kaldur's your dad," Robin stated stubbornly.

"Good luck explaining that relationship to Conner," Artemis chuckled. Robin shrugged his shoulders without concern.

"I'll deal with that one later. For now he's just listed as my big brother, right along with Wally and Roy," Robin pointed to the two redheads' names. Artemis nodded absentmindedly, biting back a grin at the thought that occurred to her.

"Something on your mind?" Robin asked, picking up on her nonverbal cues like a pro.

"Just wondering how Child Services is going to like it when they find out that Mom's dating her son. And how Batman will handle finding out that he's had an Arrow and a Flash added to the Batclan and he's not your dad anymore," Artemis grinned.

"Actually two Arrows," Robin corrected pointing to the other side of the family tree where Artemis's own name was. "I put you down as my big sister," he explained, grinning cheekily at her.

Artemis grinned back at him, secretly touched by the gesture. After all, she could have been counted as a cousin as Raquel had been. (It was nothing against the feisty teen, but Robin just didn't know her as well as he knew the others so the bond wasn't quite as strong yet.)

"And I told you, this is strictly team only. I'll deal with the headache of including the league later. That'll actually probably make a few relationships change," the bird mused. "Then it would be more of Black Canary as the mom and Batman as dad."

"So Batman and BC?"

"Essentially," Robin said before the idea fully caught up with him. He shuddered a little at the image and glanced questioningly at Artemis.

"Do you think we could pull off the idea that they divorced and B's still single while BC is with GA?" Robin queried.

"Better than explaining to Ollie that Dinah dumped him for a Bat."

"Not a Bat, _the_ Bat," Robin corrected.

"_Anyways…_So I'm dating my brother?" Artemis asked, gesturing to the line that connected her name with Wally.

"Another thing for Child Services to be worried about," Robin cackled.

"Hey, where's Zee on this?" Artemis demanded, not seeing her best friend's name anywhere immediately.

"She's over here in the Magic Clan with her dad Zatara," Robin explained shooting a horrified look at the blonde archer. "I would never put her down as my sister, that would be incest!"

"Oh sure," Artemis rolled her eyes. "Make me a case for a daytime talk show but make yourself perfectly normal."

"Hey! My dad is a fish and my mom's having an affair with her son while my brother and sister date each other! I'm allowed some normalcy!" Robin defended himself.

"No, dad's a bat and mom's a canary!" Artemis corrected. The two looked at each other before dissolving into giggles, Artemis being the first to catch her breath.

"And you know, I'm entitled to some normalcy too, but so far you've given me nothing but a bird, Ang-Roy, Conner, and my boyfriend for brothers with Raquel as a cousin! Come on Rob, give me a break. I need sisters," Artemis insisted.

"There's Batgirl."

"You mean the redhead that's been running around Gotham the last few months?" Artemis frowned, considering it.

"Wait, how does Batman feel about her?" Artemis asked quickly. "And she's not on the Team either."

"That's because she's the estranged sister that no one ever talks about because Daddy Bats hasn't acknowledged her yet," Robin explained.

"Daddy who?" M'Gann asked with no small amount of confusion. Robin and Artemis turned to the doorway of the kitchen to see M'Gann and Conner standing there, their school finally being out for the day.

"Hey guys! You're just in time to hear all about Robin's awesome family tree. Oh and Rob, how do Martian Manhunter, Flash, Aquaman, Superman, Icon, and Zatara fit in all of this? More uncles?" Artemis asked, glancing at her teammates as she posed the question.

"I told you already 'Mis, I'm not adding the League in yet!" Robin protested. "That would _really_ make us a case for Child Services!"

M'Gann and Conner exchanged concerned glances before drawing closer to the table.

"So this is what a family tree looks like," M'Gann grinned, glancing over the paper with interest. Conner frowned, actually reading the names and where they fell on the tree.

"Why are M'Gann and I not next to each other?" the clone asked brusquely.

"Because M'Gann's the mom and you're my brother," Robin explained, forgetting Artemis's earlier warning. "In the family tree of our team Kaldur's the dad."

"But M'Gann isn't dating Kaldur," Conner frowned. "She's dating me."

"And aren't Kaldur and Raquel going on a date this Friday?" M'Gann asked, looking equally concerned.

"Relax guys, this family tree's not for real," Artemis said quickly in reassurance. "After all, it's got Wally and I down as brother and sister and we're dating."

"I'm dating my own sister?" Wally asked, his voice being heard before anyone saw the speedster, although he appeared right where they expected him to, opening the fridge and grabbing his usual afterschool snack.

"According to Robin," Artemis informed him, looking up and grinning at her boyfriend. Wally smiled back at her, zipping over to her side and placing a quick kiss on her cheek before turning to his best friend.

"Not cool dude," Wally complained. "You can't have me dating my own sister unless you're dating your own sister!"

"That's only going to happen if he starts dating Batgirl," M'Gann answered, looking closer at the family tree.

"Right, like that'll ever happen," Robin rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.

"It better not," Zatanna sauntered in, smirking at the Boy Wonder.

"Never Zee," he assured her quickly.

"So personal project?" she asked, glancing down at it. Zatanna straightened in outrage only a second after looking at it.

"I'm not part of the family!" she demanded.

"Of course you are Zee!" Robin protested quickly. "I just couldn't put you as Artemis's sister because then I'd be dating my own sister! I didn't think you'd approve of incest!"

"It's good enough for those two," Zatanna pointed out, nodding to over to Wally who had his arms wrapped around Artemis's shoulders.

"Zee," Robin's voice dropped into a stage whisper. "He's a bottomless pit, loudmouth, and my best friend. She was trained to be an assassin and has table manners only slightly better than Wally's. Do you really want to compare us to them?"

"I heard that birdbrain," Artemis retorted, reaching across the table to smack him upside the head.

"She's also my best friend," Zatanna reminded him, smirking at Artemis. Artemis winked at her and grinned at M'Gann.

"So how do you feel being the 'mom' of this mess?" Artemis asked, addressing the Martian.

"Really I'm still trying to understand how a relationship between Kaldur and I would work," she confessed. "Not that you aren't perfectly nice," the green girl said quickly to the gilled guy who had walked into the kitchen just in time to hear that random statement. "But Superboy and I…"

"Are dating," Conner finished firmly.

"And it appears that Kaldur is dating his niece," Wally added glancing down at the paper to double-check. Kaldur frowned and leaned forward to look down at the paper. He stared at it for several minutes before turning to Robin.

"Robin, do we need to schedule a meeting for you to talk with Black Canary? Such a…misunderstanding of relationship ties might prove to be concerning and detrimental to your mental health as well as that of the Team's. Is there something troubling you?" Kaldur asked.

"What! No way Kaldur!" the Boy Wonder gulped, flushing under the concerned look of his 'dad'. "It was just for a laugh!"

"Breaking Conner and I up isn't funny," M'Gann frowned.

"We're breaking up?" Conner demanded, anger flaring in his eyes.

"What? No!" M'Gann yelped.

"Relax Conner, you're just convincing her to cheat on Kaldur and have a relationship with her son," Wally said with a shrug of his shoulders. Now it was his turn to be smacked by the archer.

"Wally! Don't confuse them even more," she hissed, glancing worriedly at Superboy who looked like he was about to start yelling. It was at that moment that Raquel chose to walk into the room and glanced down at the family tree.

"HEY! HOW COME I'M JUST A COUSIN? DON'T I COUNT AS FAMILY?!"

Kaldur immediately went to her side, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder while Robin quietly crumpled the piece of paper up and tossed it in the wastebasket. He should have known better than to try and work on the family tree here with his family, but it's not like he could work on it at home. Batman would kill him for letting a Flash and two Arrows into the Batclan!


End file.
